Chestnuts roasting, open fires, dumbs jokes, and puns

she said, "light up the house for Christmas"

20 bad jokes

[disclaimer: there are 20 bad jokes below ... reader be aware]

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant!

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
and says:" A beer please, and one for the road."

5. Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

6. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

7. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

8. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

9. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

10. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

11. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

12. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

13. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

14. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office
and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

15. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."
The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes
she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

16. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail
and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

17. There was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

18. Who sings "Love Me Tender" and makes Christmas toys?
Santa's little Elvis

19. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!

20. What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Santa Claustrophobia!

t00-m0ch,
Chris

christophercarder.com
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